


Sam I-Am – are you?

by trash_mammall



Category: Green Eggs and Ham (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Tenderness, can be seen as slash or platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:34:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23237017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash_mammall/pseuds/trash_mammall
Summary: On their way to East Flurbia, Guy asks Sam if he's being authentic now, if this Sam I-Am is the real him. It sparks a bit of a crisis for Sam, but they're both okay in the end.(this is tender, but also is an excuse to write Sam really panicking for a moment.)
Relationships: Guy Am I & Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham), Guy Am I/Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 66





	Sam I-Am – are you?

They had been driving for hours.

The idea to take Sam’s travel home had, unsurprisingly, come from Sam himself. He’d thought it to be a sound plan; it would certainly save on money they otherwise would have been spending on trains, hotels, or ferries, and it undoubtedly lowered the risk of being trapped in a junkyard. It was small, and required moderate rearranging, but it would serve its purpose. When Guy had first entered the trailer, his eyes had roamed across the license plates decorating the front wall. Sam could have sworn he spotted a smile hidden in the dim lighting of the morning sun, but soon the centre of Guy’s had moved on. He’d spotted the plant by the window, still green and adorned with a few stickers, though they were faded with age, and Sam’s eyes followed, making a mental note to redecorate the pot. 

Guy had lingered on the map, eyes searching for something Sam couldn’t quite place. Perhaps who Sam used to be, or pretended to be, before the two had met. Tacks and red string painted a tapestry of hidden stories, but when Guy turned back to Sam, gaze full of the inquisitive edge only an inventor could possess, Sam couldn’t help the knee-jerk confidence he displayed with a smile. His hands folded in front of his chest, Guy smiled back, and the air had been still.

Travelling to MeepVille had been rather daunting, neither could argue against that, and Guy had voiced that he “couldn’t imagine what travelling halfway across the world was going to be like.”

It was due these memories, specifically of Guy being awoken as he was plummeting towards the edge of a cliff, right after which he would be diving directly into a lake, that Guy had volunteered to drive. Sam had argued that he was a perfectly good driver, actually, and he unquestionably had more experience than Guy (“I mean, you saw my map. How do you think I _got_ to half those places?”).

So, with a compromise to switch off if the other got too tired or fidgety, Sam had gotten behind the wheel.

The sun was low now, the sky swirling with oranges and pinks. With a cheeky glace to his side, Sam raised a brow, nodding towards the world opening up before them.

“I wasn’t wrong, was I? They’re a wonderful thing, sunsets.”

Guy rolled his eyes, though it lacked the malice it’d held those first few days of their comradery. And while his focus returned to the empty road, Sam spotted in his periphery Guy’s gaze darting across the sky, soaking up each inch of its beauty. His stomach filled with a pool of warmth, a feeling he was trying to get used to with each new day – an unanticipated byproduct of uniting with Guy, E.B., and Michellee. A grin pulled at his lips.

In the glow of the evening, everything was soft, and Sam couldn’t help but feel like he could get used to this.

In no time, however, the sun was long put to rest, and blinking golden lights littered the greenery on either side of the path stretching further beyond.

“We should pull over for the night, Sam,” Guy said, breaking the long held silence with a gruff rumble.

Sam hummed, scanning for a clearing. It wasn’t long before, amid the brush and odd tree, the trailer pulled clear from the road into an open plane. At the click of the engine, the night air was full of light chirping, overflowing into the trailer and coaxing a giggle from Sam’s chest. He looked over at Guy, eyes bright, and was met with an all too familiar, yet endearing, frown.

Sam snickered, “Meet you on the roof,” he teased, before dashing out of the driver’s seat.

Pulling himself up the side of the trailer, Sam could hear the indignant grumbles left behind him. He laid himself down, stretching his arms as far as he could reach, and situated himself on the cool metal of the tailer. His mind travelled back to E.B. on the train, and he couldn’t help but give a silent thanks to her for reminding him of the ethereal essence of the stars as he gazed ever upward.

Soon Guy settled himself down next to him, letting out a long, deep breath. The two were silent for a long moment, bathing in silver and the wind’s caresses. It was only with a shift that Guy spoke up, hesitation on his tongue.

“Sam, can I ask you something?”

Sam’s stomach twisted with a familiar anxiety, Guy’s nervousness fueling his own, but he swallowed it down with a lighthearted, “Shoot, travel bud.”

A beat passed before Guy spoke up again, the natural lilt of his voice twisted with tension as he said, “I understand that this may be old news at this point, or something I should be able to piece together myself with context clues, but I- well, I guess I’ve been thinking about all the identities you’ve had.”

Sam took in a breath to interject, an old guilt tasting like iron on his tongue, but Guy plowed on.

“And I don’t want you to apologize, because we’ve been through this. I don’t have any ill feelings towards you for anything you’ve done, but I guess I’m just worried because-” he stopped short, gulping air to slow his own thoughts, and steadily Guy asked- “Is this the real you? This isn’t some personality you’re wearing like a new coat to please me, or the girls, this is… this is _you_?”

Sam didn’t dare move his eyes from the shimmering lights above them. Brows creasing in concentration, he realized that his immediate reaction was _yes, obviously,_ but it wasn’t that easy, was it? It wasn’t as simple as assuming he was himself, because there was so much more to it than that. Guy had seen the wanted photos, and those were just the identities that had stuck around long enough to get _noticed_.

Sam blinked, fingers tapping on his stomach as his mind tumbled over itself. How many people had he been since he’d been dropped at the orphanage? Ten? Twenty? How many were one time gigs, an evening mask he discarded by sunrise, his share of the bruckles fitting nicely in a nondescript bag? There were a few he’d thought were keepers, jobs lasting a fortnight he’d hoped would lead to something more permanent, personalities that had won him seemingly solid partnerships.

Had those felt real?

Had those felt like this?

“I think-” he started, hoping to break up the suspended silence with anything, but his breath caught somewhere on the path from his lungs.

What did he think?

“I- I don’t know.”

Sam’s eyes widened slightly, and he felt Guy adjust next to him in an effort to get a clearer view of his face. There was a buzz between their bodies, an uncomfortable energy lying just under Sam’s fur, and his fingers began to fidget.

“I want to say yes, I really do! But I can’t-” Sam pushed himself up, crossing his legs as his gaze danced with the fireflies- “I don’t know what that _means_ anymore. I wasn’t lying back in the questioning room, Guy; I haven’t had someone want me to stick around since…” Sam trailed off, the void filling in the gaps he couldn’t seem to look at, and continued with feigned normalcy. “I can’t count the number of times I’ve pretended to like something, to _be_ _someone._ I was given a job and I did it, that’s all there was to it. I used a fun accent, changed my clothes, whatever it took. They didn’t want anything more authentic than the pleather seat cushions of their cars, you know?”

Sam’s lips turned down, a bitterness curling up the back of his throat. Guy’s hand reached out with a whisper of Sam’s name, but Sam was already standing, pacing.

“How am I supposed to know who _Sam I-Am_ even is anymore,” Sam spat at no one in particular, hands wringing together. “It’s not exactly like I ever had the chance to make myself into someone _I_ wanted to be, we both know my moral compass shattered the moment I took that first job so who _am_ I? What if-”

Sam stopped in his tracks, swinging around to face Guy. In a better world his hands wouldn’t have been shaking, his chest less tight, but instead he choked out, “What if I’ve never been anyone?”

Guy stood up then, lines of worry and caution visible despite the dark. His hand reached towards Sam, hesitant but laced in care. Sam couldn’t move.

“Think about it, Guy. I never got a chance to make myself into anyone, I just became whatever I needed to be. I was so desperate for someone to stick with me, but even more so for money to survive. Being _myself-_ ” he emphasized his point with finger quotations- “was nothing more than a filler between jobs. Maybe all I am is that _yipping_ impermanence, travelling from one city to the next looking for the next payer to tell me my personality for the week. How am I supposed to expect you or the girls to stick with me if I’m never an actual _person_ -”

Guy’s hands landed on Sam’s shoulders, cutting off his words before they tripped over the edge. Sam took in a shuddering breath with Guy’s own, as low as he could muster, and his mind momentarily paused. With Guy’s presence, it was like they were back in the tent again, Sam’s chest bursting with too much _stuff_. Waves of indescribable nonsense bashing against the lining of his chest, filling his lungs, but then Guy was there. Palms pulled him back through warmth and solidity, eyes reflected the lights dancing around them, and Sam was swept under the comfort of it all.

Kneeling and cupping the underside of Sam’s jaw with one of his hands, Guy spoke low. “I know this isn’t quite the same thing, but through so much of my life I feared that I’d become an impersonation of myself. I always felt so far beneath the rest of my family, I’d convinced myself that all my aspirations were products of their expectations. I was terrified that I’d lost myself somewhere along the way, and that only solidified when my inventions started exploding. But then you came along.”

Guy shrugged, a grin barely visible as Sam’s brows turned upward, visage open and vulnerable.

“You came along and reminded me that through every failure, and every moment I felt like I was a failed replica of what my family _wanted_ me to be, there was something else. There was passion there, an inherent need to adapt and create, and it lasted through every doubt. And you believed in me. And even if that passion _really was_ just a fallacy, my _enjoyment_ in creating was real.”

Sam blinked, and his hands slowed. As Sam began making a conscious effort to match the rhythm of the other’s inhalations, Guy murmured, “So can you tell me something about you that, despite _everything_ you’ve just told me, is nonetheless authentically you?”

Their eyes locked again, and Sam’s breathing faltered. Memories were examined like files, detailing all the moments he could grasp, and, hesitantly, Sam began to nod.

“Yeah, yeah.” Sam licked his lips, grasping at coherency with shaky words. “I guess I’ve been pretty persistent through all of it, I’ve probably eaten enough green eggs and ham looking for my mom to support that.”

Guy nodded encouragingly, chuckling, “You certainly persisted when it came to being my friend, and I didn’t make that easy for you.”

Sam huffed a laugh, continuing, “And I guess that optimism has always stuck with me, right? I kept going, and I kept trying, and I always tried to find the silver lining…” Sam trailed off, just for a moment.

He couldn’t help but wonder if those had all been conditioned in him. What if none of that was who _he_ was, and was, instead, what others had wanted him to be? What if they had just been the most consistently desired traits, the most useful skills for him to adopt?

But then his eyes refocused on Guy, and his chest bubbled with that recurring warmth he’d never been able to place – detached from E.B. and Michellee, and always feeling like caramel and hot chocolate. Guy’s words nestled themselves in the back of his mind, and he realized what was indubitably real, even if nothing else was.

Sam’s smile grew steadily, the bubbly edge of his words returning as he said, “Guy, I think I’ve had to shuffle the cards so many times nothing’s felt orderly in a long time. But my belief in you? All the happiness I’ve felt _because_ of you, and the commitment I’ve made to sticking by your side? Dillikins, every moment of exhilaration and passion and care that I’ve felt since I met you has been so _indisputably_ _me_.”

The lights around them began to blur, Guy’s face getting fuzzy around the edges and his smile getting wet, but Sam blinked all of it away. He felt lighter, and he hoped his eyes held all the emotions he felt intertwining in his gut.

“I want to say that this is as real as I’ve been in a long time, and I _think_ it might be, but really I don’t know,” he pushed on, through the tremor in his voice. “But I hope what _is_ real about me is enough for now.”

It was unclear if Guy pulled Sam in or if he had simply caught Sam on the way down, Sam’s trademark red hat falling to the side. With Guy murmuring, “Of course it’s enough,” they found themselves on the roof of Sam’s trailer, Sam sheltered in the easy reassurance of Guy’s arms. The moon watched over them, silver lining the world as it all turned soft, and Sam felt the brush of a kiss on his forehead.

Eventually Sam would wake up inside, Guy next to him in bed, and he wouldn’t remember when they’d moved off the travel home's roof. Eventually they would be back on the road again, searching for something without knowing whether or not they would find it.

But at that moment, with nature’s whispers wrapping around them, everything felt tender.

**Author's Note:**

> this has been my first GEAH fic that i'm posting here, and i hope you enjoyed ! i really haven't been able to think about much other than this show, honestly, and i can't wait to see how their next adventure goes.


End file.
